Medications In The Land Of Heart Failure

I love frequenting our neighborhood restaurant. The waitresses know us by name, they remember our favorite dishes, they always smile and treat us with kindness. Spending the last ten weeks in the hospital with heart failure, waiting for my gift of life, I have found many similarities. Many mornings I feel as though I am visiting a restaurant specializing in medicinal cuisine.

 

                                                            Presbyteriano Café                                                                

Nurse: Good morning Chelle, how are you today?  Your room smells delightful and you have so much sun coming through your window.

Me: Best room in the place they tell me.

Nurse: Sure is. Your doctor has prepared a nice little medley for you, much like yesterday’s. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Would you care for a starter before hand? Perhaps Ativan or Tylenol?

Me: Yes, I believe I’ll have the Ativan, that sounds lovely this morning.

Nurse: Good choice. I brought for you a fresh pitcher of ice water, here let me pour you a cup.

Me: Thanks.

Nurse: So, I have for you today; Lasix, Spirinolactone, Neurontin, Metoprolol, Magnesium, Potassium, and Vitamin D. Those come with a side of Folic Acid, Creon, and are topped off with Aciphex.

(I watch as she tears each pill out from it’s own individual package, and drops it into the little plastic shot glass)

Nurse: Last but certainly not least, your Ativan. (Did she really just say that?) (She hands me the shot glass) (I take it, look at it, look at her)

Me: Bottoms up. (I swallow them all with the water from the small styrofoam cup)

Nurse: How does some fluids sound? We have Milrinone and Heparin on tap today. Milrinone comes with side of Zofran and the Heparin comes with a complimentary blood draw.

(Not happy about the blood draw)

Me: Do they come with fresh tubing?

Nurse: Why yes, and new caps also.

Me: Wonderful. That sounds great, one bag of each please. And the Zofran.

Nurse: Coming right up. (Hangs the new bags, changes the tubing and caps on my PICC lumens) Would you like any add-ons today? May I suggest Tums or Miralax?

Me: Not just yet, thank you though.

Nurse: If there’s nothing else I can get for you, I will see you again at 12, 2, 5, and 6. In the meantime, let me know if you need something.

Me: See ya later

 

Chelle

Register here to register as an organ and tissue donor

 

Advertisements

My Heart Transplant Journey So Far..

Happy Waitaversary To Me! Today marks the one year anniversary that the United Network of Organ Sharing added me to the national organ transplant wait list. I am very grateful just to be on the transplant list. It is quite an exclusive group, like a posh country club without the fancy food, expensive booze and pretentious conversation.

Looking back at this past year, there have been many changes. Some good, some not so good. The first ten months was filled with travel restrictions, extreme fatigue, emotional instability  and the beginning of my loss in independence. The first thing I have learned after two months residing in the hospital, is those ten months were a cake walk compared to this. I had my furbabies, my husband and we were all together at home. Now we are two hours away from each other. And every day we wait seems like an eternity.

time I have to agree with Dr. Einstein here. Residing in this place I have experienced time on time’s terms. And the terms are, none. It doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion. It’s all relative. When you are living your usual normal life, time seems to fly by. However, when you are waiting for a life saving organ transplant it moves at a snail’s pace. Once I started getting the “go juice” pumping into my heart, the game changed from a physical one to almost all mental/spiritual one. The thoughts foremost in our minds are; how many more days will we have to wait, will they find me a match, and if they don’t, I want to die at home.

Life is constantly surprising me. Death has always been my adversary, now in a strange twist it’s more of an ally to me. And that, my friends is very unsettling. I feel as though we are playing some kind of hellish game. With every thought or prayer of the doctors finding me a donor heart soon, I envision Death waiting in the shadows with an irreverent grin on its nasty face. Yes, I understand that my donor’s death and transition to the next plane will happen regardless of my obtaining a heart. Yet the guilt and sadness lives on. For now.

Some days I feel as though I have woken up in the cuckoos nest and expect to see Jack Nicholson walk around the corner at any moment. These are the times I have to practice self-preservation through self-care. The do not disturb sign goes up, the sleep phones go on and The Honest Guys do their thing. Keeping busy is my salvation here. Working on my writing, practicing meditation, reading, goofing off with the nurses and enjoying family visits have all been my saving grace. I feel there are many more lessons to be learned. Letting go is one of them. For if I can let go, I shall find peace again.

Chelle

It only takes 30 seconds to save a life. Register today.

 

With Love, Humor and Grace

Pulling back from an emotional kiss with my husband, I saw the sadness in his eyes, the sadness that mirrored mine. He didn’t want to leave but I knew he couldn’t stay. Letting our tears flow, we held our embrace a little longer, then walked hand in hand toward the elevators. We expressed our love in a public goodbye, then I stood and watched him go until he was out of sight. I struggled to hold back the flow of tears while George and I turned around, desperate for the refuge of my room.

Almost to my destination, I caught the eye of a nurse whom I have become close to. Noting the look on my face, she asked how if I was alright. I mumbled “Sunday’s are the hardest days”, as tears flowed down my cheeks. She stopped what she was doing, wrapped her arm around me and we walked down the hall. Once in my room, she held me as I cried on her shoulder telling her how much I missed my husband and my home. She explained that being away from those we love can sometimes be a harder struggle than the actual battle we are facing. She reminded me of what I strong woman I am. Reminded me that not only have I have made it this far, but I did so with love, humor and grace. And reminded me that when we get through to the other side of this journey all the suffering and sacrifice that my husband, my family, and I have made will all be worth it.

My strength being renewed, I gave her a hug, thanked her and told her to get back to work. With my head held high, I wiped my tears and told myself I was ready to continue the journey.

I only wish she could have done this for my husband as well.

Chelle


Please register to be an organ donor so someone else doesn’t have to go through what we are. Wwwdonatelife.net/register/