I was added to the heart transplant waitlist on August 16, 2016. That is exactly 400 days ago. The last 90 of which have been spent in the hospital two hours away from my home and husband. Some days I am sure I can’t go on, others I am sure I can. I want more than anything for my team to find me a good donor match so I can live a more healthy active life, but more importantly, so I can return home. Today I reflect not so much on the entire wait, but more importantly the time in the hospital. As you know, I am big on writing letters to myself. Here is another I would like to share with you.
Today marks a bittersweet milestone for you. When you received the call that you were accepted on the Heart Transplant Wait list you were so grateful and relieved you hit your knees and thanked Spirit. You were so happy and hopeful, your future looked so bright. Then when they admitted you in June, no one expected you to still be in there waiting 90 days later.
Three months is a long time. You have missed so much; sipping coffee on the front porch with Bill, walking hand in hand through nature, midnight snuggles with Bill’s soft breath on your neck, listening to Skye’s barks and nips in her sleep and feeling the gentle hum of Bubby’s purring on your lap. But for all the things you have missed, you have gained so much; you’ve made new friends, you have a greater sense of who you are, your marriage is stronger, you have built a closer relationship with Spirit, and you have found a sense of purpose.
My dear warrior, you are not the same woman as you were a few short months ago. You have gained wisdom, faith and determination. Because of these days in the hospital, you are mentally stronger and more prepared to face your post transplant recovery.
I know every day you spend here feels like an eternity. But remember, we are all connected. You are here for a reason. Think of the lives you are changing with your strength and positive mindset. The physical borders of your life may have changed, but there are no limits to your spiritual one. Take this time for yourself. Look within. Meditate. Feel. Write. Share your story. This is how you can be of service to others. Your time will come dear one. When it does, all you have endured will have been worth it.
Stay strong. Stay the course. You will prevail.